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www.ioo-biker.co.uk | issue 1361100% Biker 181

ABOUT LAURIE. Laurie has been with 100% Bikeralmostsincedayoneand is our resident in-house philosopher. Healso has one of the most impress ve mcustaches known to modern man!

e'd had a rough few weeks and needed cheering up. The forecast for Sunday was good so we 'phoned Widget the Digit and Bean and they were free to meet up to watch the sand racing in Sin City (aka Mablethorpe) so it was planned - a day in the late Autumn Sun watching maniacs on all sorts of incredible bikes and trikes trying to wreck them in the sand, followed by a pub meal. So, looking forward to the next day, we went to sleep.

At which point the Shit Fairy entered the bedroom. It woke me at 3am and then made me hot, sweaty and itchy to keep me awake. After half an hour my brain kicked in, worrying

'Turn off your engine. Get in my nice car and explain why you were going at 67.5 mph.'

about all the things that were hangingover me'til I eventually dozed off just after 7 am only to have lu wake at half eight. At this point the Shit Fairy must have been chortling in anticipation of all the fun it was going to have.

After more caffeine than was good for me, we set off. It was a beautiful day and the first ten miles were country roads - Autumn Sun, glorious colours and no traffic. We got to the dual carriageway and opened it up a bit. That's when the Shit Fairy decided to put a thought in my head to spring its trap ... At the roundabout I suddenly thought that I should turn left, into town, and top up the tank. I hadn't planned on doing so as I had enough to get to Mablethorpe and, although it's in some ways still in the Nineteenth Century, it does have petrol stations. So left at the roundabout we go, and more dual carriageway. I know there's a fifty limit ahead and a camera, which I slowed for, then carried on doing about sixty as, half a mile later, there's a bad junction on a bend, with a slip road that locals just shoot out of without regard for what*s on the main road. I thought I was being sensible when I moved into the right hand lane as a car came down the slip road going much too fast. I automatically increased spped a hit as I always do when overtaking, as I'd always been taught that's the safest thing to do, but possibly because ( was tired, possibly because I was watching the car or possibly because it was the last thing I expected on a stretch of road with fixed cameras, I didn't notice the car wirh the pretty blue lights!

Turn offyour engine. Get in my nice car and explain why you were going at 67.5 mph.'

Anyway, I explained why I'd pulled out and increased speed. He was really pleasant, nodded and said he quite understood that it was a sensible precaution to take, but 67.5 mph was dangerously fast! (The road used to be a 70 limit till recently, so where's the harm eh?) Had I been going at 65mph, he'd have let me offbut, as that extra 2.5mph was so dangerous, he had to give me a tickct! Bastard!

Fuming, I then went to fill up and the Fairy was waiting there too I parked too close to the pump and banged my knee on it badly enough for it to swell. Then, having 'phoned Widget to explain our lateness, we learnt the racing had been cancelled. We needn't have left home just to get a ticket in the first place! How the Fairy laughed! Much later, thinking nothing else could go wrong, the Fairy put a huge pile of dog shit under my boots for one final trick. But then we saw Widget and Bean for tea and started to laugh about it and realised that some people, many friends included, have far greater problems. So we kicked the Shit Fairy into touch and got on with our lives.

As Shakespeare said, 'What the fates impose, that men must needs abide'.

ABOUT LAURIE. Laurie has been with 100% Bikeralmostsincedayoneand is our resident in-house philosopher. Healso has one of the most impress ve mcustaches known to modern man!

821100% Biker I issue 1361 www.ioo-biker.co.uk

Release: StoreMags & Fantamag. Magazines for All r- U •> . \

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