Editorial

DOCTORS ARE FUNNY (AS IN A BIT ODD) AT TIMES, AREN'T THEY?

When I had me prang back in Jan uary (I know, I know, you're probably a bit sick of heari ng about it, aren't you?), the doc' said to me, 'I'm a bit worried aboutyour bones - they keep breaking ... I think they might be a bit thin so I'm goingto send you for a bone density scan'. I remarked that there has never been a history of osteoporosis in my family and that did he not think that being pile-driven into the tarmac at 30 odd miles an hour might have something more to do with it than me having brittle bones? He just smiled and arranged the scan anyway.

So, a few weeks later I went off and had it (very amusing - only N HS patient in a v.posh private hospital,and only scruffy biker NHS patient at that, and everyone else was offered use of the free coffee machine while I, blatantly, wasn't) and then didn't hearanythingfor weeks. The day before I'm writing this, though, I got a'phone call from the doc' (a rare enough occurrence in itself),'Did you hear from the specialist about your bone scan?'

"Did he not think that being pile-driven into the tarmac at 30 odd miles an hour might have something more to do with it than me having brittle bones? "

'Well,yes, that's because they seem to be fine.'

No shit, Sherlock, I thought, but didn't say.

'But', he went on,'according to your last blood test one of your hormone levels is a bit low and it could be that that's causingyour bones to break too easily so we m ust have a look at that - can you book an appointment please?'

'Umm,yeah,okay', I said,'but I reallythinkthat the cause of my bones breaking is 'cos they've been smashed into the ground in motorcycle accidents, not 'cos I've got a low hormone in my blood. I've never had one break that hasn't been caused byamotorcycleaccident...'

'We'll check anywa/, he said breezilyand rangoff.

Hmm, suspect I'm not going to rush to book that appointment... Anyway, the upshot of this is a Good Thing - it means that I'm not fat. Y'see, if the scan had revealed that my bones were undersized that would mean, logically, that I would be no longer able to use the old 'I'm not fat, I'm big-boned' thing, but it hasn't so I can therefore I'm not fat. Result!

0 0

Post a comment